Sakura's Diary
by Kakashi88
Summary: After a 4 year mission to Grass Country, Sakura returns to Konaho, but can't avoid the person who she has been trying so hard to avoid for the past 4 years. KakaxSaku. Rated M for strong language. My first ever fan fic so please review.
1. Chapter 1: My Return

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Naruto, all though I wish I did!

Chapter 1

My Return

March 26th (3.25pm)

I was sitting on the branch of tree one day's walk away from my beautiful home in Konaho, I had brought a little pink and black diary from a small gift shop in Kusa in Grass Country a few days previously. I decided to take a brake from walking and then I felt compelled to write.

I opened the page and began to write...

'I hate diaries. I have no idea why I have even started writing one really. But I feel I need to write some thoughts down of the past 4 years away from Konaho.

Tsuande sent me on a 3 year mission to Grass Country to help establish a new medical unit which will be helping Fire Country when we need it. The project as normal ended up lasting an extra year. I have enjoyed my time there don't get me wrong, but I have missed Konaho (and every one) more than I thought possible.

For the past 4 years I feel like I have been to hell and back, being separated from those who I love and the place where I feel at home. But what brought me the most hell was falling in love.

While I was in Grass country I met a Medic Ninja by the name of Takato Kinjo. We worked together closely for 3 and a half years working together on the new medical centre. Not long after arriving in Grass country and sending more time Takato I feel in love with him. He was very handsome with short brown spiky hair and dark grey eyes, he was 21 when I first met him and we shared most of our time together. After 7 months of being in Grass country I moved in with Takato, I loved him so much and marriage had been on the cards just after a year of being together.

Takato seemed to make me a different person, he made me see things in a different light and I never wanted that to end with him. But it did. Three years and 3 months after being together Takato was sent on a mission to Lightning Country to help heal some of Grass Countries ninjas hurt while fighting.

He never came back. He got attacked by the lightning countries ninjas just before reaching those who needed his help. I still miss him and wish his life had not have come to end so soon, but we spoke about the nature of our lives and we always knew something like this might happen. Takato made me promise not to cry when he left and not to cry if something happened to him.

I broke my promise to him the day he fell in battle, I don't think I stopped crying for a good 3 months afterwards. I have tried to pull myself together; I really never thought it would be this hard. Especially coming home, I was supposed to be coming home with Takato.

Well I suppose my love life was never going to so simple, actually I never thought my life would be so simple. But I have finished the job I was sent to do in Grass country and now I'm looking forward going back to Konaho and seeing my friends...'

I closed the diary and decided to carry on walking as the longer I sit I am getting no closer to Konaho by tomorrow. I walked until around 10pm on the evening and I could see I was getting closer to Konaho. But I decided to camp out for the night and get back early tomorrow, at least I won't be so tired then.

I awoke at around 5am the next morning and it was still dark. I looked in my back pack to find I had had ran out of food apart from a cereal bar.

"Oh bloody great" I shouted. I opened that and ate it watching the lights in distant of Konaho. By 6am I was packed up and began walking, which ended up as me running as fast as possible to get Konaho and get some food.

I found myself running even faster when I saw the gates of Konaho approaching; I could see the familiar Hokage Mountain in front bearing down over the Village.

I reached the red and green gates, I slowed down to take in what I had missed for 4 years and finally I felt at home again. I stopped at the gates to take in the sight of the village's people getting on with every day life and more children running around than before I left.

"I must have missed a baby boom" I laughed to myself.

"SAKURA" a loud voice not too far in the distance was calling my name, I knew in an instance that it could be. I saw him running towards me with 3 others in tow.

"Naruto" I said as he came bounding towards like a lost puppy and he gave a rather tight hug, I thought I was going to suffocate.

"Wow Sakura you've changed, did you just get back now? What do you want to do? We all have so much to tell you" Naruto shouted without taking a breath.

I laughed as I noticed Hinata, Shikamaru and Temari walking towards me. What I didn't notice on first glance was the baby in Shikamaru's arms.

"S-sakura, we are all so glad you are home" Hinata stuttered smiling.

"I am so glad to be home as well" I said hugging Hinata, I looked around to notice Temari and Shikamaru "Temari, Shikamaru so glad to see you and who's this" I said looking down to the bundle in Shikamaru arms.

"This is Asuka" Temari replied glowing at he daughter

"She is lovely; I missed a bit whilst I was away then?" I laughed.

"How about we get something to eat and we will tell you everything" Shikamaru replied.

"That sounds great, I'm so hungry, but I can't stay too long I have to speak with Tsuande" I said looking at my 4 friends, I was glad to be home.

March 27th (6.12pm)

I was sitting in my apartment, after unpacking and being very thankful to be home. I decided to write down today's events as I have been waiting for today for 3 years.

'Right well it has been a day I won't forget. I feel in the past 5 hours after speaking with Naruto, Hinata, Temari and Shikamaru I feel I have taken in more information than I had to for my Jounin exam.

I have been given a bit more information than I think I needed on who is dating whom in the Village. With surprisingly only myself and Rock Lee not dating someone from one of the village's previous teams. (I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about this information) Anyway, the run down is Neji is dating Tenten (soon to be married) Ino dated Kiba for a while, until she met someone else, Now Kiba is dating Ayame Shiomi (The daughter of an ANBU member according to Naruto) Chouji was now engaged to Nanami Fujimaki (The daughter of Eiya Fujimaki, an owner of a noodle restaurant in Konaho) Shino had been dating someone from Sand country but they didn't know who and Rock Lee were currently single. With Shikamaru and Temari married last year with their new born daughter, Asuka. But what I was most pleased to hear about was that Naruto and Hinata are engaged. All I can say on the Naruto and Hinata subject is, finally.

Naruto, Hinata and Ino have kindly arranged for all of us to met for my 22nd birthday tomorrow, which I am very much looking forward to seeing everyone again over one or two drinks (maybe 10 drinks we will see) I am not sure who has been invited just yet, so at least I get a surprise.

Then to top of my day of an overload of information I went to see Tsuande and gave her details over my mission in Grass Country. This only took about 30 minutes for me to explain everything, and another 1 and half with Tsuande asking me questions about Takato and then another 30 minutes with Tsunade giving me updates on what had been happening in Konaho. Then to top off the past few hours she gave me an off duty for my shifts working in the hospital.

All though I would have rather spent 2 and a half hours doing something else, I enjoyed seeing Tsunade again, until she mentioned the name I had not heard in 4 years and was quite happy about it...Hatake Kakashi.

It had taken me a good few years to try and forget about his name and after 4 years of hard work in the matter of 2 seconds he was back in my thoughts...stupid bloody man. But, I can thankfully say after a stupid mistake with him 2 weeks before I left for Grass Country I moved on, slowly. But I am sure I am not drinking so much after that night ever again. Clearly myself and too much drink does not work.

Thankfully, Kakashi was on a mission and would not be returning for at least another week; at least I can have a peaceful first week back in Konaho and enjoy my birthday. That's one good thing.'

I closed the dairy and in hopes of not thinking about Kakashi for my first evening back, I was going to have a relaxing bath and read my new book and then sleep.

Thats Chapter One done of my first ever fan fic. I hope you guys like what i've done so far. Please review good or bad, I want to know if I should continue on.

I apologise if there are any spelling and Grammar mistakes, No ones seen it but my eyes :)


	2. Chapter 2: Old Friends & Birthday wishes

Disclaimer: I do Not own Naruto or anything to do with Naruto (I do own a Kakashi teddy bear though :D) All rights to Masashi Kishimoto.

Authors Note: Didn't want to do author notes at the start of my stories as they sometimes annoy me when I just want to get on with reading the story. But thanks to the two of you that reviewed, good to hear nice comments.

I wanted to get this up on the 9th Jan (My birthday) But my computer decided to crash for the 11th time last week and is on its 14th re format now, So if I don't update then you know my computer is having a tantrum again.

Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter. A very long chapter compared to the last one, so enjoy. xXx

Chapter 2

Old Friends and Birthday Wishes

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP..."

"Argg, shut up" I screamed at the alarm in hope it would turn itself off, no chance. I slowly got out of my bed and looked at my alarm clock; Am.

"It's my birthday, why did I set it so early?" I asked myself the question.

I had a shower and made myself some breakfast and decided to go for a morning run as I had not done as much training as I should have whilst in Grass Country.

I didn't think my training dress and shorts were appropriate for running so I decided to go for a pair of black baggy combat trousers and a red vest. I was a bit unsure about the vest; with it being March it was still surprisingly cold, especially in the morning. But I stayed with my choice and headed off.

I made my way through the Village and decided to take the path around the outskirts of Konoha and back to the public park in the centre of the village in the hope of not seeing to many people.

After a good hours run I made it up...I have no idea how many steps to the top part of the public park only to find Rock Lee, I actually have no idea what he was doing, I was sure he was meditating but his posture said otherwise.

He turned and spotted me before I even had chance to run back down the steps.

"Sakura, Happy Birthday. Naruto told me you were back" Lee said smiling.

"Thank you Lee, It's good to see you. I take it Naruto invited you out this evening for a drink?" I asked looking at Lee's face. He hadn't changed and he was still wearing the God awful green spandex.

"Yes, yes he did. I hope you don't mind me joining you Sakura-Chan?" Lee said with a hint of shyness in his voice.

"No, it will be nice seeing everyone again" I said dimly, trying to smile while Lee started to stare me up and down. "Right, well I have to be off and finish my run and get ready for this evening, nice seeing you Lee" I finished and began to run back down the steps I had just previously climbed.

"See you tonight Sakura-Chan" Lee shouted waving at me.

I got to the main part of the village not to far from my apartment, when I suddenly felt the presence of a masked Chakra, I couldn't tell who it was obviously, but I had felt it before. Strange.

I reached the top of the stairs and the door to my apartment noticing a bouquet of what seemed to be 22 red roses and a card.

I picked up the flowers and the card took them inside my apartment. I opened the card to find a simple but beautiful birthday card that read "I hope all your birthday wishes come true" on the front. I opened the card up to read; "_Sakura, Happy Birthday, Enjoy your day and I hope you like the flowers. I've missed you. X x x"_

I looked at the back of the card and then turned my attention to the flowers that also had a card which read; "_they are almost as beautiful as you." _I looked all over both cards in search of a name, but there wasn't one. I didn't even recognise the handwriting, it was just written in block capitals so it made it even harder to recognise.

"BANG BANG" someone was kindly hitting my door, not knocking, they seemed like they wanted to kick the door in.

"Hello" I said finding a boy about 15 standing on my door step with a bunch of Pink, Purple and red Gerberas and a variety of large white daisies...

"Can you sign here please miss?" he asked, handing a clipboard and pen over. I signed and he gave me the flowers and the cars.

" Thank you" I said to the teenager who was already half way down the stairs. "OK, now I'm getting confused" I said to myself looking at the mixture of Daisy's and Gerberas. I closed my apartment door and placed the daisies next to the roses. And again I found myself reading another card; "_22 flowers for the 22 years I feel I have loved you, 22 flowers for the times I tell myself everyday that I love you. X."_

I think I stood next to my table for around 5 minutes staring blankly at the card from the Daisies. I then decided I should read the birthday card that came with it as I was hoping to find a name. I opened the card to find a handmade heart and some stars on the front, just simply saying "_Happy Birthday_" I opened it and read _"Sakura-Chan. Happy 22__nd__ Birthday. I have missed you greatly for the past 4 years and I hope you will do me the honour of a dance at your party. X." _

I continued to stare at the 2 bouquets of flowers on my table and to be honest; I didn't know what to think. Names of people I know were running through my head in the hope of picking one out who might actually fit. I think it was useless as I couldn't imagine who would want to send me flowers in the first place.

I put the two bouquets in vases and put the daisies by my window and my roses on top of my fire place. With the thoughts of who could have sent them me I decided to relax and have a bath ready for this evening.

I got out of the bath a good few hours it seemed like later, feeling like a prune. I looked at the clock after I had made myself some soup for what I thought was lunch; it turned out it was 4.20pm. I had to get ready as I was meeting everyone in the village at 6pm and it was going to take 30 minutes to walk there if I was going to wear heels.

For the next hour and half I put my make up on and decided to curl my hair for a change. Now was the big question, what do I wear? I could go for the casual smart look and wear trousers and a nice top or I could go all out and wear one of the many dresses I seem to have gained while I was in Grass country. I decided I wanted to turn a few heads as it was birthday; I felt like I wanted to make an entrance. I decided I was going to stick with the little black dress. A little black dress that seemed to be tighter fitting than I last remembered, but it fitted, that was enough. Now for shoes, I think the black high heeled strappy ones will have to do, I don't have time. I looked at the clock as I grabbed my handbag; 17.49. Damn it! I slammed the door and made my way to the village as fast as my high heeled shoes could carry me.

I finally arrived at the bar at 18.15, only fifteen minutes late. I opened the bar door to be welcomed with...

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Sakura, Happy Birthday to you" Naruto singing more loudly than everyone else in the bar.

"Happy Birthday Sakura" Ino, Neji and Tenten all said together, smiling.

"Thank you" I replied. "I love your dresses" I said looking at Tenten and Ino.

"Enough about dresses, I think it's time for the birthday girl to have a drink" Ino shouted laughing, grabbing me around my waist, pulling me towards the bar.

After a fair few bottles of Sake and talking happily to all my friends who I had not seen in quite sometime, I was feeling slightly tipsier and I seemed to have lost what self composure I had.

Tsunade had come to join me and she seemed to be the reason the Sake was flowing more freely than normal, including Jiraiya being the culprit that most people always had a drink in their hands.

I decided I was going to have a chat with Tsunade when Ino grabbed my hand and decided I was going to dance with her, I didn't recognise the song playing but Ino held my hips and we started to dance, with Ino at one point during the song putting her right legs on my shoulder and shaking her back side, which got a few whistles from on lookers in the bar. As another song started to play I felt a pair of hands on my stomach, Ino laughed at me and moved away to dance with a man who had been staring at her all evening. I on the other hand was more concerned about the man's hands on my stomach.

I turned around slowly and saw a very tall dark haired man now standing in front of me, I did not recognise him but he was very attractive. He moved his hands onto my hips as we both started to move to the slow music. I turned around to have my back facing him and we both continued to dance rather close to each other until I noticed someone at the back of the bar.

I turned around to my new dance companion and asked "This is going to sound strange, but you didn't send me any flowers did you?"

The dark haired gentleman simply replied "No I didn't, I'm sorry"

"It's OK" I replied looking into his gorgeous blue eyes "Thank you for the dance, I have to go and speak with someone" I smiled and made my way to the back of the bar. As I was approaching the bar I decided I didn't want to go and speak to the person who I thought was sitting at the back, No I was going to enjoy my birthday.

"Sake, Sakura Chan?" Jiraiya said holding out a glass smiling at me.

"Thank you" I replied smiling looking in the direction of the dance floor and the handsome dark haired man on the dance floor who was now standing at the side talking to one of his friends.

"Sakura-Chan, May I have this dance" someone whispered behind me.

I looked at Jiraiya and he looked back at me before I turned around to see who was asking me for this dance.

"Rock Lee?" I said shocked

"Hello Sakura-Chan" He said smiling at me "A dance?" he said holding out his hand.

I stood there shocked and with the words of the cards I had read earlier running through my mind.

"Okay" I spluttered.

We both walked over to the dance floor, as we were getting closer, a slow love song came on. I just thought to myself "This is bloody wonderful"

He held my hips to start with, I could not be having that so I put my hand in his and my other on his waist and lee did the same. I was having to dance with him to such a cheesy love song, which would not have been so cheesy if I had have actually been dancing with someone I loved. I leaned into Rock Lee and whispered "Did you send me the daisies and the card"

Rock Lee looked at me and smiled so widely I am so sure that it must have hurt. I got my answer over one set of flowers though.

"Did you like them" Lee said sounding excited.

"They were beautiful Lee, Thank you" I replied, I felt myself blushing and did not know why.

The next two minutes seemed to last an eternity dancing with Lee, as lovely he was, he was more annoying and nothing about him had actually changed in the 4 years I had been away.

The dance finally ended and Lee kissed me on the cheek, I was a bit taken back by this and was not sure what to say, as normal.

"Thank you Lee" I said smiling. "I am going to get a drink and I wanted to talk to someone I thought i seen earlier" I said smiling at Lee, with his face beaming back at me.

"Okay Sakura-Chan, I will be around if you want another drink or dance" He said laughing "GAI-SENSEI" Lee shouted as he noticed Gail walk into the bar.

I decided to move quickly to the back of the bar to try and avoid any mention of the 'Power of Youth' I quickly turned around and moved to seating area at the back of the bar, it was dark and I couldn't clearly see who was sitting there, I'm not sure if it was dark or my eyes were starting to get blurry. I got closer to see Ino, the man who she was dancing with earlier, Tsunade and Riyadh sitting there.

"Were you looking for someone Sakura?" Ino asked looking confused.

"No, no" I said looking around the bar "I'm going to dance again actually" I finished. I was not sure what I was saying, but I made my way back to the dance floor to find the tall dark haired gentleman from earlier, he was standing on his own.

"Another dance" he whispered in my ear. He put his arm around my waist. I have no idea what was happening to me, the whisper of his voice in my ear seemed to send me into another world.

A moderate paced song was playing and we began to dance, he ended up with hands just below my hips and my arms all over his body, they started at his chest and just began moving all round his perfect body. I turned my body so my back was facing him, I began to move my hips against his groin, until suddenly I felt the same masked Chakra as I did earlier in the day outside my apartment. I continued to dance with my dark handsome strange until I heard;

"Boo" the same deep husky voice whispered in my ear. I turned around to find Hatake Kakashi with his hands just above my back side. "What are you doing?" I said, trying to stay calm but I could feel my blood start to boil.

"I'm attempting to dance, I thought you would have noticed that" he laughed under his black mask. He wasn't wearing his usual Jounin suit; instead he was wearing a plain black t shirt and a pair of baggy jeans. Damn it, his body looked perfect and clothes weren't too bad either.

"I didn't mean that" I said "I mean that" Looking down in the direction of his hands.

"You seemed to be enjoying it with the other man, so I thought I would attempt it" his voice was hot against my ear as he whispered seductively in my ear.

I put my hands on his chest, wanting to push him away but my hands seemed to stay there longer than I had wanted. After a few seconds I pushed him away slightly.

"Now now Sakura, I haven't seen you in over 4 years, I thought you could have given your old Sensei a little dance" Kakashi said, with his normal laid back tone.

"I don't think so sorry. I'm here to enjoy myself" I sternly replied feeling my anger just at boiling point. I looked at him as I began to walk back to the bar. I slightly feel over one of my heels and realised that I had drank too much for evening and it was best to go home.

I found Ino, Naruto and the others and told them I was going home, after everyone offered to walk me home I finally got out of the door alone. As I opened the door the cool Midnight air was refreshing against my face, making me feel more awake and a little less drunk, all though rather cold. When I finally reached my apartment I felt the need to take of my shoes as I felt I wasn't going to make it up the stairs with them on. As I carried my shoes and bag up the stairs, fumbling for my keys just before I reached my door. He was standing there.

"Kakashi, What the hell do you want now" I shouted trying to find my keys in my handbag, which seemed like a mission impossible with the random items I seemed to be storing in there; make up, a little book, keys, mints and surprisingly I found 2 condoms in the middle of my search.

"Do you need any help Sakura" Kakashi replied softly

"NO" I shouted "Thank you I can manage" I finished lowering my tone, but my bag feels out of my hands and I was ready to cry. Kakashi bent down and picked up my bag and had a rumedge through himself and decided not to take out the keys but he held up the 2 condoms in there instead.

"I am not in a laughing or joking or any form of fun mood Kakashi, just give me my god damn keys" I said with my voice getting louder with each word and the feeling of tears appearing in the corner of my eyes.

I looked into his right visible eye for a good minute until he moved and opened my door. He put his hand on my harm, and all the feelings of 4 years ago of how he made me feel in such a short space of time came flooding back. I felt a tear fall down my face and I would be damned before he sees me shed another tear.

"Sakura?" Kakashi whispered softly "Can I come in, I just want to talk to you for a few minutes, please?" Kakashi asked.

I had never heard him say please as the same way I just heard, it felt like I heard all of his emotions in just one simple word most people say every day.

I continued into my apartment not answering Kakashi, but leaving the door open for him to come in if he felt he needed to. I heard the door close behind me and noticed his shadow against my hall table where the 2 vases of flowers lay.

"I see you have another admirer?" Kakashi said as I turned around to him to see him lazily standing against the door.

"Another admirer?" I said looking at him blankly for a few minutes until it hit. "You brought me the roses?" I asked shyly

"I did, I'm glad I didn't choice the daisies now" He laughed "Did you like them?" he asked moving into my living room making himself comfortable on my burgundy sofa.

"Yes Thank you" I replied putting my shoes and bag on the floor. "Why bother sending them though is my question" I finished sitting down in my arm chair feeling quite sick.

"I missed you while you were away Sakura and as it was your birthday and I have never brought you a gift before I felt as though I could say everything all in one gift" Kakashi said looking at my bookcase across the room.

"Right, Okay well if you will excuse you I'm tried and feel sick. I'm going to bed" I said standing up. "Let yourself out" I finished making my way to my bedroom.

He placed his hand on my arm again. "You look beautiful Sakura" he whispered behind me.

I felt dizzy by his touch and those last 4 words. I don't remember anything else about that evening.

I awoke the next morning to sound of birds outside my window and a dazzling sunlight coming through my blind.

My head, it felt like I had been hit around the head with a large blunt object, I noticed I had some how managed to get into my own bed with the same dress on from last night. I looked to the right of me and found Kakashi lying there.

He wasn't wearing his mask, this was first time I had seen his face in daylight. The night we spent together 4 years ago I only got to feel his face and never properly saw his features. And not surprisingly what gorgeous features he had. He had a prominent jaw and a very cute pointy chin to match his thin pointy nose, but he was gorgeous, more handsome than I had actually thought possible. I stared at him for 10 minutes until he said,

"How are you feeling this morning Sakura?" he said sleepily with both of eyes still closed.

I didn't know what to say, I was shocked. I hadn't got a clue what happened that night after I said I was going to bed.

"Erm...I'm okay, thank you" I replied shyly feeling myself turning a shade of crimson. I thought closely about saying the next sentence, but it just came out "We didn't..."

"No" Kakashi said interrupting me and answering my question.

"Right..." I said, not really knowing what to do or what to say. We ended up in this same position 4 years ago and it ended as a disaster. I wanted to punch the man for everything that had happened, I wanted to strangle him and see if he hurt as much as I did those 4 years ago. But no I'm not that same Sakura any more, I'm going to try and keep my cool.

I just lay there as my head began to pound even more so.

"Sakura?" Kakashi said softly moving closer to me. He started to put his arm across my stomach as he moved his chest ever so closer to my own...

"Kakashi" I said, trying not to loose my cool. "I don't know what you're doing but can you please remove you arm that seems to have made it's way to my stomach"

I looked at Kakashi, who had now seemed to have opened his. His black eye looked...It looked tearful. He slowly moved a few inches away from me.

_"God damn him, this cant happen again" _I said to myself, trying not to look crazy while i talk to myself in my own head.

"I'm sorry Sakura, it's just.." Kakashi seemed to be deep in thought as he stopped mid sentence. "I missed you while you were away" Kakashi proclaimed as he moved in a bit closer to me again.

"I shouldn't have done what I did Sakura, you left with me not being able to explain. You didn't let me have a chance to tell you how I feel" Kakashi said softly looking down towards his own bare feet in bed.

_"OK OK, why is he doing this again? I just get out of one relationship and the arse who's been on my mind for 4 years is doing this NOW"_I began telling myself, until I had the strength to speak

"Kakashi" I said turning to look at him. "It seemed pretty clear how you felt 4 years ago, maybe I should have let you have the chance to explain. But it is too late now, I've moved on. I'm sorry" I said, it hurt me to say these words, why? I couldn't fully understand how I was feeling. Jesus, I've only been back 24 hours and he's here lying in my bed

"OK Sakura I understand" Kakashi said as he began to move his legs to the end of my bed and pulled himself up. "I wish you would let me explain, things might be a lot different now" He said fully standing up, giving me a wonderful view of his face and nicely toned body.

"I can't Kakashi, you knew where I was for 4 years, no letters, no visits, no nothing" I said as tears started to fill in my eyes. "I'm sorry but if you wanted to so say sorry you had 4 long years to come. Now please, can you leave?" I asked, wishing he would have already gone like he had all those times before.

I watched him dress as he put his shoes on and made his way to the door he simply said "Things could be different, bye Sakura"

Hope you liked it. Please review :)


	3. Chapter 3: The men of my past

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, all right to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for the reviews, it means a lot :) I don't think chapter is the best it could be. But I'll let you all decide that. And again I do apologise for grammar and spelling mistakes! I'm English and was taught to spell it as you say it :p (There may be a wait for chapter 5, as Ive not finished chapter 4 yet. Due to Uni and work, it may take longer to update than these previous chapters) Anyway, hope you like it. Please Review and let me know what you think :) **xXx**

Chapter 3

The men of my past.

March 29th (11.15am)

'Right my little Diary, You seem to have been a very worth while buy or I'm going mad, relying on a diary to keep me sane hehe! Right well I wouldn't have said that was the best birthday I have ever had or even the best morning for the matter of fact.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid Kakashi. How dare him!!! I can't believe he's doing this again!

OK, I'm not making any sense. Let me set the scene correctly. It was winter, I was 17. Kakashi and I had been getting close for a good year. We had started seeing each other every day, then as one thing lead to another, we began dating. This was all in secret, He wasn't my Sensei at the time, he hadn't been for a year, all though we still occasionally trained together. But Kakashi and I both agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone about us, In all honesty, I didn't want to deal with Konoha's reactions to our relationship, let alone my friends reactions. I don't know if I was scared or to immature to deal with it, maybe it was both.

In the January before my 18th birthday, I slept with Kakashi, coincidently loosing my virginity to him. Which at the time, it was the right decision, I had fell for him. I had fell for him hard. To what I know, I loved him. We had a good relationship for 5 months, we talked, we laughed, we had a great sex life, but there was something missing, something that in my mind is vital for a relationship...Honesty. Kakashi seemed to have a problem with being honest with me, let alone he wouldn't trust me. For 5 months of practically living together, he never once showed me his face. He kept telling me it wasn't the right time. How much time did the man need, I'd known him for 5 years at the time. I understood in some way that this was a big thing for him, but after 5 months of dating I was sharing all of my thoughts and feelings and it seemed like Kakashi was playing cluedo with me...I had to guess, I had to guess how he was feeling, that or I had to be a bloody mind reader.

I suppose at first, he seemed very thoughtful to be asking me how I was, what I had been doing etc., all the daily questions you ask most people you know. Yet I couldn't ever get an answer from Kakashi, apart the odd 'I'm OK' and 'well its been my usual day' and that was the most I got. If I ever asked him about his likes dislikes, his past, what he liked doing in his free time apart from reading porn, I never got much of an answer, other than 'you know the usual' How the fuck is that an answer? As the months went on I soon began to realise this and this relationship was never going to get any where if he couldn't open up to me.

So 2 days before my 18th birthday, I confronted Kakashi about how I felt. He said he would try his best, but it will take some time. Well I was willing to wait, that night we made love and for the first time he didn't wear his mask. Which in my eyes was an achievement, it was his way of showing me he would trust me. OK so I couldn't see his face properly, but it was the start. That night, I couldn't have been more happy. I lay in Kakashi's arms all night, drifting in and out of sleep, blissfully happy to be sharing my life with him. We always had "sex", but that night we "made love" for the first time, it felt right, all the pieces to the puzzle were finally coming together. As I lay in his arms, ii felt like he was the one.

I awoke in the morning, the day before my 18th and Kakashi was gone. I thought he had gone training, but he had left a note on my pillow. I can't remember it word for word now, but in simple words it said 'I'm sorry, I can't do this, I'm only going to hurt you, Sorry' Which I couldn't understand, I felt like we was getting somewhere, I opened up to the bastard, I let him in, which was also a hard thing for me too. And he bloody leaves, with nothing, no explanation why just say he was sorry. That wasn't good enough for me.

So I went to find him, he slammed the door in my face and then I couldn't find him. I got the hint he didn't want to see me, and I couldn't take it. I wanted to be with him and clearly he did not.

The week before this happened I had accepted a 3 year mission in Grass Country, which Kakashi was supposed to me coming with me to start a new life there..Together. But clearly it was too much for Kakashi. The next two weeks were hell, I didn't know what to do, I felt like a Genin again. I felt helpless.

Two weeks of hell later and not even seeing Kakashi, not through trying I might add. I set off to Grass country, with Naruto, Ino and Shikamaru as escorts. 4 days later we arrived in Grass, too my annoyance Ino asking every 5 minutes what was wrong with me, she knew I wasn't being myself. But I didn't mention a word of Kakashi or any other man for the fact.

Then I began my life in Grass, over the 4 years, when Naruto and Ino were on missions they always came to see me and spend a few days with me and Takato in our home. It was nice, but always in my mind, even though I loved Takato more than I ever thought I loved Kakashi, part of me still wanted him to turn up and explain to me what happened. I could have coped with a letter. But nothing.

And that's the story of me and Kakashi. I'm fed up of bitching about him and I'm fed up of thinking about what could be different. I've had enough of it, all though my mind ALWAYS end's up thinking about him when I'm alone. And after last night he really hasn't helped, he has just confused me more than he did 4 years ago. I think now is the time to get back concentrating on my work, Takato wouldn't want me stressing over a man that really is never going to be the man that I need in my life.'

I closed the diary and got myself ready for the day ahead. The usual run for an hour then I'm going for a meeting with Tsunade about the current state of how Konoha's hospital is. Which really doesn't sound too interesting, but if it takes my mind off everything, then I'm happy.

On my way to the meet Tsunade after my run, I saw Naruto with Hinata looking in shop windows for table decorations for there wedding in 6 months. The last person I expected to see standing next to Naruto looking bored, was Sasuke.

I didn't even know he was back, I didn't know anything. I felt like that friend everyone has, who always moans about being the last to find out things...well I seem to be that friend at the moment.

"Sakura-Chan?" Naruto screamed, he had noticed me. I was hoping to just slip past them quietly.

Naruto and Hinata walked towards me, but Sasuke kinda stood still looking around before moving a slight inch.

"Morning Sakura" Naruto and Hinata both said at the same time. I smiled at this, as they were all ready acting like an old married couple.

"Morning guys, you didn't mention Sasuke was back" I asked looking at Sasuke who was still a few feet away.

"Yeah, he came back last year Sakura-Chan, I thought I told you in one of my letters." Naruto said scratching his head thinking about if he did mention it or not. "Maybe you didn't get that letter or something. That's odd, because I'm sure I sent it just after training with Kakashi Sensei." Naruto finished continuing to scratch his head.

"Y-yes Naruto, You mentioned you were sending it after training, because there was a letter from me as well" Hinata stuttered looking a bit confused.

At first I thought it was an excuse, but by the genuine look of surprise on their faces I take it they weren't lying.

"Never mind guys, It can't be helped. They must have got lost on the way or something. Don't worry about it, I know now." I said, wishing I really had received that letter.

I caught Sasuke in the corner of my eye, slowly walking towards myself, Naruto and Hinata.

I was about to ask Hinata about the wedding and if she needed any help when I heard, "Good to see you again Sakura, You've changed a lot" Sasuke said smiling.

I stopped dead, Sasuke was actually smiling and it looked like a genuine smile, not a forced one that Sai had perfected, the kind of smile you wouldn't be so sure if he was faking it or not.

"Hello Sasuke, you have changed a bit yourself" I said looking him up and down.

Damn right he had changed. His facial features seemed softer, even though he has some bags under his eyes. His body had changed a lot as well, he was a lot more muscular than the 15 year old I last saw. He had grown a few more inches as well it seemed, he had to be around 5ft 8. He had grown, he seemed more gorgeous than I can ever remember.

"Where are you off to Sakura Chan? Do you want to get some lunch?" Naruto asked, clearly trying to wake me from the daze I had just put myself in.

"I'd love to Naruto, But I have a meeting with Tsunade now actually I should be heading off." I replied still looking as Sasuke in disbelief.

"How about we meet up tonight? You, me Sasuke and I'll ask Kakashi Sensei to come. Would be nice seeing all of team 7 again, don't you think Sakura-Chan?" Naruto asked, positively beaming at the thought of team 7 getting back together.

"Yes, that would be Erm...lovely Naruto" I said smiling trying not to show any emotion at the mention of Kakashi's name.

"Well I'll meet you Naruto and Sakura at 7pm, how about that new Noodle restaurant? People have said it's quite nice."Sasuke asked.

"As long as they sell ramen I don't mind, so 7pm OK for you Sakura-Chan?" Naruto asked waving his hands in front of me.

"Sorry, yes 7pm is fine by me. I'll meet you both at the restaurant, I have to go now" I replied trying to take my mind off Sasuke and Kakashi.

I waved at the 3 of them as I began to run to the Hokage tower, 20 minutes late for my appointment with Tsunade.

"_She's going to be pissed" _I told myself as I reached the Hokage's door.

Hope you enjoyed it, please review. It's always nice to hear what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4: The Old Team 7

**Authors Note:** Hi Guys, so sorry for the wait, University is getting in the way of me writing this! Hehe! Anyway, thank you all again for the lovely reviews and comments! Its always good to hear what you think:) Hope you enjoy this chapter! **xXx**

Chapter 4

The Old Team 7

March 29 (5.40pm)

'Before I go out and meet Naruto and Sasuke, I wanted to have a quick write down of the days events so far, just to keep my mind off the up and coming evening, which may possibly be real life hell if Kakashi turns up. If he knows what's good for him he won't. It makes me laugh thinking about that last sentence, me saying I would kill him, when really I wouldn't want to lay a finger on him, other than fingers of trying to undress him...Okay Okay bad thoughts. Damn it, He's going to send me insane. I need a cattle prod, so I can prod myself every time I think of him. That might make me realise anything to do with Kakashi is just...painful. Which a woman of my age and already have been there I should associate him with pain and hurt already really.

Anyway, I'm going off topic yet again, so my meeting with Tsunade went quite well actually. Konoha's hospital is doing brilliant, a lot of new medical equipment and a hell of a lot of new staff. Tsunade gave me a list of people who are now running each department in the hospital, I only knew Dr. Kobi Saito who was now currently running the new maternity department. He was a lovely Doctor from what I recall, he's in the right field really as he was a trained gynaecology doctor. Lovely man actually, and not bad looking. Actually very good looking.

(Note to self: I must stop fantasying about the male population of Konoha)

I had no idea who half of the new doctors who are now working in the hospital. I did know quite a few of the nurses, but Tsunade says that most of the new doctors have all been on missions and have now been fully employed to work in the hospital to improve the hospital and new medical techniques. Which by the sounds of it they are all doing a wonderful job.

Tsunade has given me my timetable for my first week back at work and where I will be working, which is surprisingly on the maternity unit, then the week after that is the children's ward and the children's trauma and emergency surgery.

I am very confused at why Tsunade is putting me on wards with children as I've had no experience with children before, I suppose logically that could be the reason why she's putting me on those wards in the first place, but either way, I am not looking forward to it.

Then I think I'm in the emergency clinic for 2 weeks, which I am quite used to as I spent a lot of time in Grass Country dealing with emergencies, So I'm quite looking forward to that. I am especially looking forward to working with the new doctors, all though I just hope they aren't all arrogant idiots, like a certain select few I've worked with over the years. But I suppose I will just have to wait and see.

Now off the topic of work, I was so very surprised to see Sasuke back. And what's even more surprising is that I did not know. I haven't even got a clue if he did kill Itachi, I would assume so as I have heard a mention at all from Naruto about Akatsuki. I feel so in the dark, I really don't feel I have a clue what has gone on in my home town while I have been away. What is even more frustrating is that Naruto nor Ino have kindly kept me up to date on Konoha's affairs while I've been in Grass Country. They were both too busy talking about their own love life's to think about telling me. Which I believe, when they have to deal with it daily, maybe they didn't want to burden me with this information, as well, they probably knew I would want to come back to Konoha and help.

But still, It would have been nice to know about Sasuke, I do not think asking Sasuke over dinner this evening "Oh I forgot to ask? Did you achieve your life time goal of killing your brother Itachi?" Hmmm! Yes not the best dinner conversation in the land really is it? I will have to think of a cunning way to ask him, or I could go for the much simpler option...just ask Naruto! Yes I think I may go for the latter of those options. I think that may be the safer option.

I am feeling rather nervous about tonight, and for once it has nothing to do with Kakashi. I feel nervous about being around Sasuke again. He seemed very different. Actually, different is not a strong enough word. He's changed...A LOT.

I've seen Sasuke smile before, not for a long time though. But his smile today, it seemed like a contented smile. He seemed happy, which was not the Sasuke I knew before he left. He actually seemed relaxed as well, but something else was different...That's it. His arrogance, it seems to have disappeared (That or he lost it along the way to adult hood.) It's so very strange, everyone has changed around me, all the old friends I once thought I knew, they have all gone and changed on me. Even Naruto, OK Naruto may have changed the least, but still he's changed. I think Naruto has changed more physically than most of us, He's very tall now, he face has become more chiselled, he has extremely large muscles but he has matured. I never thought Naruto and mature would ever be in the same sentence, well other than if we was talking about cheese. But he has matured, he's always been caring and I think it's just in his nature, but the way he is with Hinata has astounded me. I actually believe he thinks the world of her. Which in a way doesn't surprise me of Naruto, all though one thing about Naruto has never changed over the years his hyperactivity. I suppose that's just Naruto.

As for Kakashi, well he's the same lazy, annoying bastard he has ever been. I suppose on a positive note, not everyone has changed!

Well, my little diary I am going to get ready for whatever may lye ahead this evening.'

I closed the diary and proceeded to get ready for my meal with Naruto and Sasuke. As I approached my wardrobe, I was really stumped at what to wear.

"_Okay, I really want to look nice tonight! I really want to make an impression and I don't think my clothes say subtle __but sexy...I really need to go shopping" _I thought picking up every item of clothing in my wardrobe.

After 30 minutes of searching, I decided on a pair of fitted jeans and just a plain white t-shirt, with a black jacket over the top. As I really don't want to go out for a casual meal in a sodding cocktail dress really do I?

At 6.30pm I locked up my apartment door and made my way to the new restaurant in the village. As I began walking down the streets leading to the main part of Konoha my stomach started doing somersaults, I was beginning to get nervous about both Sasuke and Kakashi. As I began to get nearer and nearer to the restaurant I didn't have chance to be any more nervous as I could see Naruto standing outside waving his arms like a mad man.

"Sakura-Chan, so glad your already here" Naruto shouted, looking as if he was going to start jumping up and down.

I walked closer and noticed both Naruto and Sasuke looking extremely smart, Naruto in a Blue shirt with black jeans and Sasuke in a red short sleeved shirt with lovely fitting jeans.

"_That cocktail dress doesn't seem like such a bad idea now does it?" _I told myself as I approached the 2 men.

"Good evening Naruto and Sasuke" I said looking from one to the other.

"Come on lets go in, It's cold and we might be waiting for hours for Kakashi to turn up" Sasuke laughed, putting his arm towards my back to usher me into the restaurant.

I began to feel myself turning from a nice shade of pink to very dark crimson as Sasuke's hand touched my back.

We then got shown to a table for 4 next to the window, showing such a beautiful view of the tree's in Konoha, which were lit up by the beaming lights from the many new restaurants and shops that had opened in the village.

"Sakura-Chan isn't it lovely to all be back together, it seems such a long time ago since we have done this" Naruto said grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, it's really nice indeed" I said looking directly at Sasuke who seemed keen to order his food as his nose was stuck in the menu.

Silence.

For about 10 minutes none of us said anything apart from what we were ordering to eat and drink. It was a very awkward silence, a silence I never thought I would experience in the same room as Naruto. I decided I couldn't settle sitting in silence all evening as it was unnerving me.

"So Naruto, how are all the plans going for the wedding? You have set a date haven't you?" I asked looking at Naruto who was eyeing up the bowl of noodles on the table next to us.

"Yes Sakura-Chan, we have set a date. It's going to be the 14th September, so just under 6 months to go now" Naruto laughed nervously. " Most things are sorted now, Hinata has her Kimonos, the venues are booked, I have my Kimono and other bits and pieces. Hinata is choosing all the flowers, the cake and all the table decorations." Naruto said smiling.

"Well Naruto you must ask Hinata if she needs any help as I am more than willing to give her a hand" I asked looking at Sasuke who was playing with his napkin on the table.

"Shouldn't we have waited for Kakashi-Sensei before ordering?" Sasuke asked glancing at me.

"No Sasuke, 'cos we might be waiting all night. And I'm starving" Naruto said as both myself and Sasuke laughed at him.

"_He never changes" _I laughed to myself.

For the next 30 minutes, we all talked about Konoha, what I had been doing in Grass with Sasuke asking about Takato followed by Sasuke telling us both about being accepted into ANBU. It was nice talking about what we were all up too, but I really just wanted to ask Sasuke about Itachi and Akatsuki. But I refrained from asking feeling it wasn't the best time, then suddenly from behind me I just heard;

"Yo"

"Kakashi-Sensei so glad you decided to show up" Sasuke said smiling.

"And you are only an hour late" Naruto laughed looking at Sasuke, making both men smirk.

"Yes well, I keep getting lost on the path of life at the moment" Kakashi said sitting down next to me. "It's good to see the 3 of you again" Kakashi said, with his dark black eye closed and crinkled.

"I haven't seen you around for a while Kakashi-Sensei what have you been up too?" Sasuke asked.

"I have been on a 3 month mission Sasuke-Kun" Kakashi replied looking directly at me.

Naruto and Sasuke noticed I had gone quiet and with Kakashi staring at me, I couldn't go as incognito as I had hoped.

"You're quiet Sakura-Chan, are you okay?" Naruto asked with all 3 pairs of eyes on me.

"Yes I'm fine, just a little bit tired" I replied hoping my food would arrive soon so I could just put my head in the bowl and wish this wasn't happening.

"So Sakura, I haven't heard how your mission went in Grass country?" Kakashi asked.

I decided I wasn't go to show him he was affecting me and proceeded to look at him, which surprised me. He wasn't in his Jounin uniform again. He was wearing a tighter fitting shirt to show of what a wonderfully toned body he has and it seemed like he was wearing a pair of jeans as well.

"It went very well Kakashi. I had some of the best years of my life there, it was an amazing learning opportunity as well." I replied trying to force a grin onto my face.

"Has Sakura-Chan told you anything about her fiancée Kakashi-Sensei?" Naruto said speaking the dreaded words I did not want to face tonight.

Kakashi seemed shocked by the news actually, his eyes had widened and he was staring at me awaiting an answer.

"No you haven't Sakura-Chan" Kakashi smirked.

"Well there isn't much to say is there Naruto now. I don't have a fiancée any more, as he died last year" I said stubbornly, feeling more and more upset with thinking of Takato.

"Well done you bloody idiot" I heard Sasuke whisper to Naruto.

"Sakura, I am...I am really sorry to hear that" Kakashi said, abut to place his hand on top of my own, but I moved it away before he could touch me.

The evening went on, quieter than I thought. Naruto and Sasuke got back to bickering, Kakashi sat looking on at what was happening around him and I just kind of sat there. It was a very strange feeling, one I really didn't want to feel again. I did participate in some of the conversations, but it just didn't feel right with Kakashi around.

We then got talking about Tsunade and the hospital, which made me feel more comfortable and as the hours went on and on, we all, meaning all 4 of us started to enjoy each others company again, feeling more and more comfortable around each other once more.

Naruto and Sasuke just like many years ago, entertained me beyond belief, even Kakashi sharing a rather amusing story about Tsunade and a pair of thongs.

It was strange, but a nice strange. I was starting to feel more relaxed around all 3 men again, which seemed like an achievement as I never thought I would be able to laugh and joke with Sasuke let alone feel comfortable to laugh and joke with Kakashi once again.

It was a rather enjoyable evening until Sasuke opened his mouth.

"So Kakashi-Sensei, how come you broke up with Sakura and let her go to Grass on her own?" Sasuke asked after taking a sip of his water.

"_What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?..." _Was all that was gong on in my mind as soon as the question left Sasuke's lips, followed by "_I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him, I AM GOING TO KILL HIM" _

Kakashi just seemed puzzled. "Excuse me, Sasuke?" Kakashi said, not showing any emotion at all as normal.

Naruto however, was currently sitting with his mouth wide open and looking like he was watching a tennis match, looking backwards and forwards from me to Kakashi.

Then, "WHAT" Naruto shouted, causing everyone in the restaurant to look at the 4 of us.

After 5 minutes of us all staring back and forth at each other, I couldn't hold back any longer "Sasuke, I have no idea what you heard and whom you heard this from, but I can quite clearly state that it is none of your business and quite frankly wont ever be" I snapped, feeling red hot anger burning up inside me.

"_Who the hell does he think he is? I thought he changed, he's sitting there like a smug bastard and grinning like a Cheshire Cat that just won sodding first prize at a contest." _I shouted at my inner self.

I stood up from the table, until Naruto put his hand on my arm.

"Sakura-Chan?" He asked, his blue eyes as soft as ever, with no trace of anger. The eyes I was so used to seeing every time he came to see me in Grass Country and would listen to me talk about Takato, and those same eyes I would see before he would hold me as I cried.

"Naruto, can we talk about this tomorrow. I really don't feel up to talking right now, okay?" I asked, not wanting to look at him to see the hurt on his face that he probably feels for me not telling him any of this.

"It's okay Sakura-Chan, we can talk tomorrow." Naruto said letting go of my arm that he was still holding.

I walked out of the restaurant and made my way back home, with my mind swimming in thoughts. _"Why did I just walk out? Why didn't I just tell them? Why did Sasuke have to ask in front of both Kakashi and Naruto? How did Sasuke know about Kakashi and myself? Why was he sitting with a smug look on his face like he had achieved something?"_I thought to myself, not knowing the answer to any of my own question, I walked what seemed like forever to reach my apartment.

When I finally did, I opened my door, kicked off my shoes and turned on my hallway light...when I heard.

"Sakura?"

Hope you enjoyed :) Fingers crossed the next chapter wont take as long! Please review xXx


	5. Chapter 5: A night like No other

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anything at all to do with the lovely blonde haired ninja. All rights to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Authors note: **Ok Guys I am so so so sorry about the delay. Ive been passing my driving test and buying a new car (Which I think ive fallen in love with, Now I have my Kakashi Teddy Bear hanging in the back passenger seat window :p) and haven't thought about this. But a new chapter is up, and hopefully i'll get writing chapter 6 this evening.

Now just to warn you, I have kind of attempted a lemon. I didn't want to as Im English and I'm prude :p And I am aware its not the best it could be (so I may re write it, if I feel I need to) So I do apologise, as well as any spelling and grammar mistakes. I can only apologise.

Chapter 5

A night like no other

"Sakura?"

I knew who the low husky voice belonged to before I seen him sitting on my sofa.

I walked into my living room and sat down next him, he put his arm around me and before I knew what happened, I had my head on his chest and began to cry.

He put his one hand the back of my head and his other un-gloved hand on my arm.

"Shhhhh Sakura" He whispered in my ear, feeling his warm breath through his mask. "Please Sakura, I don't like seeing you cry" He continued to whisper in my ear.

I lay there for while, taking in Kakashi's usual scent and enjoying feeling the comfort of his hard muscles on his chest as well as feeling safe and comforted in his gorgeous arms.

After a while, I felt I should move. I pushed myself up so I was sitting directly next to Kakashi, I looked at him to met his one visible black eye.

I looked down away from him and said "I'm sorry"

He moved his un-gloved hand to my chin and pushed my chin up to face him.

"Why are you apologising? You haven't done anything Sakura." He said in soft husky tone.

I looked into his eyes, I could so much emotion. I just wanted to reach up and take his mask off, just to see his gorgeous face again. But I could see something in his eyes, that made me realise he was thinking deeply about something.

"What are you thinking about Kakashi?" I came out and asked, I'd skirted over not asking him questions for months, I can't be bothered to keep up that same old routine.

He looked at me and in turn it took him quite a while to ask,

"Why didn't you tell me about your Fiancée Sakura?"

I kind of expected this question, but I didn't really want to face being asked again.

"_I think I am going to write to the local newspaper and write a short story about my 4 years in Grass, that way everyone can read it and wont have to keep asking me" _I thought to myself as I sighed.

My sigh didn't go unnoticed to Kakashi, "If you don't want to talk about it Sakura, I understand" It was Kakashi's turn to sigh. "I never told you much 4 years ago, so I can't expect you to start opening up with me again Sakura" He finished his sentence by looking at his feet. Which I just so happened to notice he was wearing a rather nice pair of checked canvas shoes.

"No I don't have a problem talking about Takato, well I have told everyone about him around 10 times since I got back, But I just feel a bit uncomfortable talking to _you _about him" I explained, hoping Kakashi wouldn't feel hurt by this.

When Kakashi didn't reply and continued to stare at his sexy shoes, I thought to myself, "M_aybe I could try and open up to him again, or am I just setting myself up to get hurt again? Either way, I can't get more hurt than I was 4 years ago right?"_

"Kakashi, I will quite happily tell you about Takato, but it's strange for me to be talking about my fiancée, to someone who I had once been with. I don't want to start talking and hurt you in some way" I finished, amazed I was still calling Takato my fiancée, when really he wasn't any more.

"I understand Sakura, but we were not together and we are not now" Kakashi said, looking emotional at his own sentence. "I would like to hear about him, and what your life was like in Grass, nothing you say Sakura can hurt me" He continued. "I hurt myself to much 4 years ago letting you go and breaking my promise to ever be as hurt again" He finished, now looking up at me, his black eyes shining in the dim light produced by my soft hallway lamp.

I was shocked, I was shocked that for the first time since I have known him, he has actually opened up and told me how he has felt. For Kakashi, this was something so rare I felt the urge to get up and mark the calender that today "March 29th Kakashi Hatake has told me his genuine feelings. " I think I shall remember this day for the rest of my life."

After hearing and seeing Kakashi's openness I felt I should tell him about Takato and what I had been doing in Grass country.

The following hour I snuggled up to Kakashi, telling him all about Takato. Everything from Takato's likes, dislikes, his looks, his job, what he wanted for the future and more. I tried not to go into too much detail about Takato and I's relationship, as when I first mentioned us moving into our new house, I felt Kakashi's chest muscles contract and he became rather tense.

I then went on telling Kakashi all about the hospital in Grass and what I had been doing work wise, he relaxed more as I got off the topic of Takato and onto the subject at work.

As I was being so open and wearing my heart on my sleeve as normal, I thought I would just come out and ask.

"Why didn't you come Kakashi? I expected you, a letter, a visit or even a message passed on to Naruto, I waited every day even when I was with Takato, I still hoped Kakashi" tears in my eyes began to form, but I tried to hold them back.

Kakashi lifted my chin up so I was directly looking at him, my legs were already across his lap from spending over an hour talking, I got comfortable.

"It's no good now, But I am sorry Sakura. I wanted to come, really. But I didn't know I felt at the time" He was still holding my chin looking back into my eyes. "I didn't ever want to hurt you Sakura and thats what I ended up doing." His eyes began to fill with tears, just as mine had done moments earlier. "I was scared Sakura. I don't find it easy to open up to people, it's how I have been for too long. I've lost everyone I have ever cared about and I didn't want to get hurt for loving you." He stopped, clearly thinking with his eyes still filling with tears.

"Self preservation" He whispered.

I looked at him as he began to bow his head. I touched the side of his upper cheek which wasn't covered with his mask, making him look back up at me.

I wiped the lone tear that had begin to fall from his visible eye, and what I did next I had no control over my body whatsoever.

I hooked my index finger underneath his mask and slowly pulled it down. Taking in the sight of his beautiful features once more. I was attracted to his lips, I moved my own head closer to his and began to kiss his soft lips slowly.

His eyes widened as I began to kiss him more passionately, he didn't stop me. Instead he moved his hand up the back of my tight t-shirt, causing me to shiver at the sensation of his skin touching my own.

I stopped the kiss. I proceeded to move, so I was straddling his hips. He put his hands on my butt and resumed the kiss I broke.

I could feel myself getting very turned on and wanting to grind my hips against his, but before I could get adjusted to feeling someone this close. Kakashi began to stand, putting his arms underneath my butt. I instinctively wrapped my legs around him so I didn't fall. He continued to kiss me and continued to carry me, to my own bedroom it looked like.

Once in the bedroom, he put me gently on the bed...All I can remember for the next 30 minutes was Kakashi touching every bare inch of my skin and I was getting more and more aroused I just wanted him in me.

Without even having to ask, Kakashi entered me slowly as he did so kissing my neck and breasts all over. He started thrusting slowly to start with, but began to build up pace. It was getting to much for me, I felt in ecstasy, it was heaven on earth.

I could hear Kakashi begin to grunt and knew he wasn't too far off himself. He increased the pace, I lifted my hips up so he could thrust into me further and push me over the edge.

A few more thrusts later I felt it, my body began to shake, I held on to Kakashi's neck and back, as I felt like a years worth of tension and frustration leave me whilst I screamed "Kakashi"

Kakashi continued to thrust into me whilst I rode the wave of pleasure, not to long after I heard Kakashi grunt "Sakura", He exploded within me.

Kakashi lay on top of me for a few moments, still inside me. We both got our breath back and started to come back down to earth slowly.

He moved to the side of me and pulled me towards him so I was lying on his naked chest with my leg wrapped over to his stomach.

The sensation of feeling bare skin next to mine was something I never thought I would feel again, it was relaxing and calming.

"I missed you" he whispered into my ear, resting his head on top of my own. I smiled as the feeling of sleep started to over come me, a few moments later I was flat out a sleep on Kakashi's chest.

* * *

I awoke to the dim light in my bedroom, I could hear the sound of rain hitting my window. I realised I wasn't in my bed alone, trying to think what happened, the memories of last night came flooding back to me. 

"_Oh my God, what have I done? Oh Jesus, I'm so stupid" _I thought.

"Good morning" I heard Kakashi's low husky voice.

I opened my eyes, to see Kakashi's eye's wide open and his lips curled into a sweet smile.

So many thoughts were running though my head at this moment and it didn't do unnoticed to Kakashi.

"What's wrong Sakura?" Kakashi asked

I shrugged, trying to think of the words to say. "I don't know Kakashi" I didn't want to hurt him with my words but I had to say it. "I don't think we should have done that last night Kakashi."

He moved away a little as I tried to think what to say next. "No Kakashi, I don't regret it. But I feel it was to soon and what's going to happen with us now. There are to many questions Kakashi and they should have been answered before we done anything"

Kakashi grabbed my hand, "Sakura, what's going to happen with us now? Well I would hope that we could try and get back to how we was 4 years ago. I understand I need to change, but I'm ready to change Sakura, I'm not getting any younger and I want you in my life" he paused. "I don't care how long it takes for us to be together again Sakura, like we were 4 years ago, but I'm willing to wait and for the first time Sakura, I'm willing to try and give you everything I can" He finished kissing my forehead.

Kakashi felt like a different man than the one I left 4 years ago, I started to feel doubt about him, all though I didn't want to. "_I have to give him a chance don't I?"_

"Kakashi, you need to give me time. I am not going to suddenly start spending every waking moment in your apartment or following you around. And I would hope you wouldn't want the same. I need to time to figure out what I want Kakashi. I have to know I can trust you again Kakashi" I said looking at the cracks on my ceiling.

"Sakura, I understand. I would hope you could still trust me..." He trailed of. "I can understand why you don't trust me, but as I said Sakura. I am willing to give you everything I can" he finished, pulling me into him as he hugged me.

We lay there quiet for a moment, until he said " Sakura, I have to go" he looked down "I have a meeting with Tsunade and I have some paper work to do, I'm sorry"

"Kakashi it's okay. I have my own things to do anyway." I smiled at him.

"Okay, lunch?" Kakashi asked getting out of bed and finding his bits of clothes scattered around my bedroom.

"Yeah Okay I can do lunch" I said until a thought popped into my head. "Oh Kakashi wait, Naruto. He wanted to know about us, should we invite him to lunch so we can explain to him?" I asked thinking if that was the best way.

"Yes of course Sakura, Naruto might feel better over food maybe?" Kakashi chuckled.

"Kakashi, Ill see what he says, I might invite him round and tell him on his own" I smile looking at Kakashi putting his jeans on.

"Okay, well I'll be waiting at the usual place anyway. And Sakura, I haven't forgotten about the fact that Sasuke knew about us." Kakashi added his voice becoming more low.

I smiled at Kakashi as he got his last parts of clothing on. "I want to know who told him, or he was back in Konoha before anyone knew. Oh I don't know, I'll have a chat with Naruto" I finished, getting out of bed myself and putting on clean underwear.

"Okay I'm off Sakura" Kakashi said walking towards me pulling me into a kiss. "I'll see you for lunch at noon" and Poof he was gone before I even had chance to say okay.

Please review :) Always good to hear what you think good or bad :)


	6. Chapter 6: A new beginning?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all to do with Naruto :(

Authors Note: Right, now this Chapter is just kind of a filler ready for the next chapter, as there isnt a great deal in this chapter that will pop up again...well apart from one thing that will be making an apperance later on in the story. Unless I change my mind or something :) xXx

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Chapter 6

A new beginning?

March 31st (10.25pm)

'The past 2 days have been so busy and I haven't had chance to think let alone trying to keep myself sane by writing in here.

I started work back at the hospital yesterday on the maternity ward. Wow, it's different than your usual ward or emergency centre. One thing I noticed was that there were a lot more doctors around.

I have been working with Dr. Kobi Saito for the past 2 days, which has been...shall we say pleasant. But also torture at the same time.

With everything that happened 2 nights ago with Kakashi, only spending time with a good looking, intelligent, funny, charming and caring doctor has not really helped in the slightest. Half of the time my mind has been on Kakashi, the other half has been on Kobi.

I know people say life isn't easy, but I am sure I was cursed when it comes to love. I want to try and make things work with Kakashi, but part of me doesn't want to get so hurt again. All though I keep telling myself that if I don't try I am never going to know am I?

I wish I had someone who could tell me all the answers, but I don't believe in fairy tales any more and I know that someone doesn't exist.

On to Kobi, he is such a lovely guy and having spent 21 hours together in the past 48 hours, I think I am starting to like him.

I don't know if all this is to do with Kakashi or whether it's me finding any old excuse to not be with Kakashi and end up with heart broken into pieces again. I just don't know. I always thought I was quite intelligent, but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to Kakashi. I don't know what he does to me to make me feel like this.

Kakashi did tell me I could take time to decide what I want. But I don't know, I want to try and make things work as he did make me the happiest woman alive for a while. But he also made me feel like my heart had been ripped from chest, as well as having a brain transplant, ending up with a persons brain who couldn't possibly function on anything other than worrying about a man that left me.

Everything that has happened in the past makes me believe that I shouldn't get back with Kakashi...arggggg!! I'm annoying myself and going round and round in circles and not getting a bloody answer in the end.

I think for tonight I'm going to try and put Kakashi out of my mind, well at least what decision I am going to make anyway.

Now, I spoke to Naruto two days ago about the whole Kakashi and I situation. I explained to him all about why and how we had been keeping it a secret and Naruto was surprisingly calm, just telling me I should have told him when I left for Grass Country. I could see the anger in his eyes when I mentioned how we ended, which I skirted over a few of the details. But he stayed calm and he listened, which is something Naruto had learned after the hours he sat holding me, comforting me, wiping my tears away when I had no one else after Takato died.

I didn't tell him that Kakashi and I had spent the previous tonight together, I did tell him that we had talked and part of me wanted to get back with him.

Naruto listened and told me to do what was best, which isn't always the best for everyone in the end. But he told me, he wouldn't mine if me and Kakashi were together as long as we were happy. Which in true Naruto style, he finished that sentence saying if he ever hurt me he would have to kill him.

For the rest of the afternoon Naruto and I sat around talking like we used to, until I realised I was supposed to meet Kakashi, which Naruto came along at the mention of ramen. When we got there Kakashi had already eaten but sat waiting for us. We ate, drank and laughed.

Until one question sprang to mind "Why and how did Sasuke know about Kakashi and I?"

Naruto told us he hadn't got a clue that Sasuke had known, or else it wouldn't have been such a shock to him. Naruto did however say he would try and find out as he was intrigued to know as well.

Following lunch, Kakashi and I went for a walk around the park before I started my shift at the hospital. I enjoyed it, we just talked and laughed. No mention of the night before, no mention of if I wanted to be with him, nothing. Just spending time together, which I enjoyed as I felt like there was no pressure on me to start talking about our 'relationship'.

I haven't seen Kakashi since the walk that afternoon, apart from the letter he had left at my apartment that evening saying that I knew where he was if I wanted to meet or just to have a chat, which again has been all very nice.

I would have gone round to his place, but I had invited Hinata back to my apartment to have a chat and talk weddings as I haven't had much time to talk about it since I arrived back.

The wedding so far was sounding lovely and Hinata was so organized, near enough everything has been arranged. Even the finest details of the table decorations seemed to be imprinted into Hinata's brain. (Which by the way, she was having white large Orchids as the table centre pieces, with a dish in the shape of the ring on the outside which will house an array of floating candles. Damn I have a good memory, if only I could remember where I put my house keys every now and then!)

The wedding anyway, sounded magnificent, Hinata invited me around to the Hyuuga mansion where the ceremony and reception would be taking place to have a look at the lay out and to take a look at her kimono's. Well I couldn't refuse could I really?

Today anyway has been quiet. The first part of the morning I went for my usual run around Konaho and got myself showered and dressed for the day. I then popped out to do a bit of shopping as my fridge and cupboards looked a bit lonely with nothing in them. On my way around the store, I bumped into Ino. Who was acting really strange.

I know Ino is strange anyway, but she seemed very reluctant to want to talk to me. I guess she must have been busy, but even when Ino is busy she still finds time to talk about her love life or anything that involves talking about herself for thirty minutes.

Well after my strange encounter with Ino I headed off to work once my fridge was a bit more full.

I've been doing late shifts at work which have meant 1pm until around 10-11pm depending on how busy it has been. Which today wasn't as busy. I helped Dr Saito deliver 2 babies today. Which I must say is the most wonderful experience anyone could ever witness.

It's quite amazing that the human body can do such a thing really. When I first put my head down there and saw that the mother was about 4 centimetres dilated, I thought I would never be able to sit down again. Then when the babies head started to crown, I actually felt sick for the first time in my life. The sickness feeling didn't last long, but my god I am in owe of any woman that has ever had a child.

Then when the baby came out, I cut the cord and gave the new born baby boy to there mother, I had tears in my eyes.

I could see the pain the mother was in during the birth, but as soon as I put her newborn son on her, I could see the anticipation of 9 months lift off her face and was just filled with pure joy.

And that probably has to be the best thing as a medic I have been able to see, participate in and witness.

I am really considering it as the next step of my career, as a medic I want to help, I want to heal, I want to help with life and not have to be faced with death everyday. I want to help the sick get better and continue with there life, I am aware that death is a part of life. But helping to bring a new life into the world was such a feeling I don't think I could ever describe fully.

I will see anyway, I have a feeling Tsunade wouldn't agree with me wanting to choose this career path. But with everyone changing and acting rather strangely around this place since I've come back, you never know.'

I closed the diary and placed it under my bed side table and proceeded to get myself ready for bed.

I looked at the clock "11.35pm"

I yawned as I began to pull the covers off my bed. I lay in bed for around 5 minutes, when I heard something at my window.

I heard the clasp on my window open, I grabbed the Kunai that was in the side on my bedside table, before I had chance to react my window had been opened and a large male had made his way through my window.

Without any thought I threw the Kunai as I scrambled towards my wardrobe to grab any more weapons.

"Sakura, you fool it's me"

I heard the husky voice say as I was just about to grab my bag of Shuriken and Kunai, I turned around to see that it was indeed Kakashi.

"Hold on, I'm not the fool. What kind of idiot sneaks into someone's bedroom so late at night?" I whispered for some reason as I placed my left hand on my hip as I waited for an answer.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just wanted to come and see you. I didn't think you would be sleeping just yet" Kakashi said softly as he walked towards me and placed his own hand on my hips. "I am sorry" He finished, pulling his mask off and kissing me on my forehead.

"Right okay I will forgive for scaring the life out of me I suppose. But maybe you could try that invention called the door maybe? I know its a bit conventional for you, but maybe just so you don't give me a heart attack every now and then" I said trying to be serious the the smile crept upon my face, when I saw Kakashi making a fake pout with his gorgeous lips.

"I will have to check out this invention you say, it's called a door right?" He laughed, pulling me into a hug. "I missed you last night" He whispered towards my ear.

"Really?" I asked, "Well I guess you will just have to stay tonight then, just so your not lonely then" I laughed as I moved towards my bed.

I got myself back into the left side of the bed, where I normally sleep and Kakashi got in the other side after stripping off to just his black tight fitting boxer shorts.

Once in bed, Kakashi pulled me towards him so I was facing him, the lights were off, but I could still make out his face, as well as his miss matched red and black eyes. Which never seemed to amaze me that the contrast of colours were not scary, but soft and made Kakashi more interesting and unusual, yet attractive.

"You don't mind me coming around Sakura? I know I said I would give you time, but I like your company, especially on an evening" He said softly as he put his hand to my cheek.

"Kakashi, I don't mind. It's fine, maybe use the door next time or give me some warning your attempting to break into my house, but no I don't mind" I laughed as I put my leg in between his, which in turn made Kakashi jump slightly. I don't know if he was shocked I was getting so close or that he was shocked at the feel of skin next to his own. Which on my part always made me shiver whenever my own skin was in contact with Kakashi's.

"I need time to figure things out, don't get me wrong. But I can happily live with spending most nights like this Kakashi, I can tell you that" I said, not thinking before I spoke again. I felt lost in his touch, I seemed to loose all rational thought when I was around him, let alone when he touched me. Was this a bad thing? Didn't this just mean I was ready to let him back into my life fully? I don't know but they are questions I can ask myself in the morning when I'm not so tired.

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Hope it was ok, please review :D 

The next Chapter should be ready by next week (im hoping for the end of the weekend to be honest) But there is going to be a twist in the next chapter (which the story wasnt going to end up going down the road ive taken it, but hopefully you will all like it) :D xXx


	7. Chapter 7: A new life begins

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything at all to do with Naruto!

Authors Note: I got it finished today :D I'm free to go bed shopping now tomorrow without worrying about updating hehe!

Hope you guys like this chapter as its heading into a different direction than orginally planned, but I like it :p

Hope you like and its always good to hear what you think :) (Oh and I still apologise about any spelling and grammar mistakes)

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Chapter 7

A New life begins

May 2nd (9.15am)

'Okay, I have had a way to busy for the past few months with work, seeing Hinata and Naruto, seeing Kakashi and just trying to fit everything I need to do in the short space of the day.

But I will talk about all this in a bit.

I need to scream at the moment, as my period that's normally bang on, doesn't seem to want to show up now in 2 weeks, Yeah enough reason to scream right?

A part from the fact that the little white stick currently sitting on top of my toilet is currently flashing a rather visible blue line.

I've done 3 tests now and that same angry blue little line is still popping up.

Not that I don't have enough to deal with on my plate at the moment, I end up pregnant at bloody 22, whose father may bugger off as soon as I tell him I am currently carrying his off spring!

I feel lost yet again. So so many thoughts running through my head at the moment, one including do I really want a child? Especially when I'm getting my career on the right path, as well as not to mention the fact that myself and the child's father aren't exactly the most suitable parents, as well as the fact that we aren't currently in an exclusive relationship with each other. Well apart from the fact that we have spent near enough every night together for over a month as well as any free time either of us could muster up between me working and Kakashi going on two seven day missions.

I just don't know, I don't even know who to speak to about this. I could talk to Naruto or even Hinata, but they don't have children yet. And I frankly don't know many people that do have children, apart from the parents I met whilst working on the children's ward and Dr Kobi Saito who has a young daughter from a previous relationship.

Maybe talking to Kobi might be an idea, as he is a nice man and I'm sure he would listen and help if he can. But then I have the trouble of do I tell Kakashi first and then speak to parents and make my decision then? Or do I speak to parents and Kobi before I speak to Kakashi? But then I am left with if Kakashi finds out I have told others before him, I can't say I would blame him if he was a little pissed off.

Oh god, what did I do in a previous life to deserve all of this? Well I suppose my life could be worse, so I can't really grumble, but everything that's gone on in the past 2 months is starting to take it toll I think.

Right, I am going to stop thinking about babies and any decisions to do with a baby and talk about work.

I finished my stint on the maternity ward and finished my last shift on the children's ward today, and much to my own surprise I have really enjoyed working on both wards. It's been hard to see very young children sick and especially after witnessing a still birth, it was horrific. I don't know how the nurses kept their composure seeing a tiny little baby that normally bring so much joy to a persons life and this brought so much grief and torture to the mother and father, it was a devastating sight to see.

But it has been good, I feel I have learned a lot from working on both wards, both interesting and emotional at the same time but very enjoyable. And maybe even a career path I choose, depending on where I will be placed after my 2 weeks in the emergency clinic. Which I believe I will be finding out from Tsunade tomorrow where I will be going and she wants to hear how I have been getting on since I returned back, which no doubt will be a long boring afternoon for me.

The past month apart from today seeing that blue little line, I have had a good but busy month.

I went round to see Hinata and all the plans for the wedding, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but my God they must have spent an utter fortune on the kimonos alone, I wouldn't like to see the sum of money that Hiashi has paid for this wedding, let alone how charming Naruto must have been for Hiashi to allow Hinata to marry Naruto. But everyone at the Hyuuga mansion seemed rather happy about the wedding, including Neji. Who I haven't seen in a long while, who is also getting married to Tenten. Which I believe he said their ceremony would be in November I believe.

But as for the wedding Hinata's Kimono is stunning, she told me she had chosen 3 and were going to wear all three throughout the day, but she has decided not to now.

Her white kimono for the ceremony itself was so beautiful. It was quite plain on the front, with so tiny butterflies on the front you could hardly see them, and then on the back was a beautiful design of a blossom tree, not pink buds, but blue. And it looked amazing with the tiny butterflies all around the blossom tree as well. Each butterfly and little bits on the tree had sequins on which in the light sparkled and simply looked amazing.

Hinata's uchikake which she will be wearing just after the wedding ceremony and for the first part of the reception, again is simply stunning. Again the uchikake is white, with a silver rose pattern all over, which again in the light everything sparkled and looked so pretty.

With the wedding being in the summer, Hinata has a second Kimono for the evening reception. She will be wearing an ivory Yukata with a very pale blue rose pattern all over, which is a very similar design to her uchikake. But either way, when she has then on, I think Naruto my have heart attack at how beautiful she will look.

I'm getting rather excited about the wedding now, as everything is so well planned out and everything seems stunning.

Hinata showed me around part of the garden where the actual ceremony will be taking place. It was near the back of the 'way to many acres to count sized garden' which Hinata told me there will be a white carpet leading from the back of the main house all down to end of the garden where there will be a large arch which will be decorated in white and red fresh roses. Oh and how could I forget the white carpet will have fresh white and red rose petals spread all over. Either way it all sounds magnificent.

Hinata didn't mention much about the reception, apart from the fact it was an 8 course meal I believe (which has to have been Naruto's idea surely, with Hinata being that petite I don't think she could fit 8 courses into her stomach without exploding)

I am just getting so excited for them both now, every time Hinata mentioned something about the wedding, a light glow seemed to appear around her and when I mentioned Naruto, well she was like a star, she just glowed. Which made me smile so much and is making me smile now thinking about the two of them, how happy and in love they are. I am even more happy to say that Hinata has asked me to be her bridesmaid along with her sister Hanabi. Which I am more than pleased about to be able to play a part in their big day.

All though it's not that traditional to have bridesmaid's and a best man, Hinata and Naruto have picked up on the western tradition. Hinata said she wanted the people most important in her life to have bigger role and Naruto agreed with her.

If I know Naruto, I would think Sasuke will be Best Man, as it seems the most likely choice with Naruto not having his father alive nor having any other siblings.

Talking of Sasuke, in the month and a half I have been back and since that evening when Sasuke seemed to already know about Kakashi and I previously being together, myself, Kakashi nor Naruto have found out how he knew. Naruto used the tactic I like to call "Naruto Tactic One" which is just ask them straight out. Then he went for "Naruto tactic Two" annoy the living crap out of the person by asking to many questions until they give in and finally he did "Naruto tactic Three" which was trying to do the silent treatment (which really, this isn't going to bother Sasuke, the expert at silence) But Naruto being Naruto, this didn't last long.

I had asked around about when Sasuke had come back into the village and everyone had said the same day, I had even asked Tsunade and a few members of ANBU, and they all said the same.

I have no idea who Kakashi had been speaking to but he said that Sasuke had been in Konoha 2 weeks before anyone in the actual village had seen him, including Naruto. The "source" Kakashi had been speaking to said he had been living in a small house just outside Konoha, where he had been living with a blonde woman. Which has puzzled me, as Kakashi's "source" had said that the blonde women never showed her face outside so he wasn't sure who she was.

A blonde women doesn't really narrow the search down though does it, apart from Kakashi's "source" saying the she was thin and around 5ft 6inches. Which basically was every blonde woman in Konaho really.

So Kakashi has taken it on board to keep a close eye on Sasuke, as he believes something just isn't right about the whole situation. Which Naruto and I have had to agree with him, as why did he hide for 2 weeks? But what I want to know more about is this blonde, it's really intrigued me.

Kakashi, Naruto and I have discussed talking to Tsunade about it, but Kakashi and Naruto both agreed that until we find out more we keep it between ourselves. I think getting Tsunade involved would solve the puzzle right away and there would be no need for any of us to be sneaking around trying to find out what really happened. I think Kakashi and Naruto are enjoying playing detective far to much!

On the subject of Tsunade and back onto the topic of babies, I have NO idea how she is going to react when at some point I am going to have to get a check up and a scan, that's if a baby is really what I want. (oh god I can see it being a rather long few weeks with me telling myself one thing and then another)

But either way I will need to get checked out and actually confirm that I am pregnant (the 3 home tests shouldn't be wrong, well if they are they were the biggest waste of money ever)

See now I am in another pickle, do I go to Tsunade and explain to her that I think I might be pregnant and I can have all the tests done, but face an avalanche of questions? Or do I tell Kakashi risking what we have now and then find out I might not be pregnant and cause god knows how many problems? Oh the bloody choices.'

I put my pen inside the diary and sit looking out of the window for a while thinking about what to do.

"Knock, knock"

"_Brilliant, someone has to come round, when I just wanted to be on my own and think about things_" I thought to myself.

I walked through the hallway to the door and opened the lock. I opened the door slightly to just peer out of the tiny gap I had opened.

"Good morning" I heard him say as a smile crept across my face.

I opened the door so I could see him fully, he was wearing his usual Jounin outfit. I live in hope that one day he will come round when he's not wearing it! But for some reason I felt better now he was here with me.

"Morning, are you coming in?" I asked as he seemed to be just standing there.

"I was admiring the view" He laughed as walked in, pulling me into a hug. "I like your outfit" he laughed as he took of his mask and gave me a kiss.

"I sense the sarcasm Kakashi" I laughed looking down at what I was wearing, which happened to be a pair of white PJ bottoms and one of Kakashi's black T-shirts. "What's wrong with my outfit? I was ready to go out in this as well" I said pouting.

"Well, I can't wait to see what every one thinks of your rather stunning outfit" he laughed, pulling me closer again.

"Do you want a drink" I asked as I started to make my way into the kitchen.

"Coffee please" He replied sitting down in the lounge. "This is pretty Sakura" He shouted so I could hear.

I popped my head around the archway from the kitchen leading into the living room, to see Kakashi about to hold up diary as the pen fell out.

"Yeah it's pretty, but please don't read it" I asked walking back into the kitchen having a mini heart attack.

"Why? What's in it" Kakashi asked, closing my diary and just holding it in his hands. I put his coffee on the table and sat next to him.

"It's something your eye's don't need to see" I laughed, moving closer to him.

"Oh really, well how about I take a look and my eyes can decide for themselves?" He laughed putting his one arm around my back and resting his hand on my hip.

"It's my diary if you must know" I said looking down.

"Oh really, I didn't know you had a diary" He said smiling. "I hope it's all good things in here about me then" he said laughing.

"Lets just say, its got better over the past few months" I said resting my head on his shoulder.

We sat there with the T.V on in the background just sitting there. I was in my head arguing with myself, about whether to tell Kakashi I was pregnant or not. I think after 15 minutes of sitting debating the subject in my own head, I felt like I had to tell him.

"Kakashi?" I said, starting to feel sick as my hands began to shake. "_Why am I getting so nervous_" I asked myself.

"Yes Sakura" Kakashi said soft, moving his head so he was looking down at me where I was lying on his chest.

"Okay I really don't know how to say it" I went on, as my mouth began to dry out. "I erm...well...The thing is..." I stuttered.

"Sakura, what ever it is, just say it. Your making me worried now" He said moving me up from his chest so I had to look at him face to face.

"_Oh not as worried as your gonna be when I tell you_" I said to myself

"I...er..." I paused. "I'm..." I paused yet again. "Pregnant" I whispered. I saw his eyes widen as soon as I said pregnant.

"Sorry Sakura, I don't think I heard you correctly" he asked now holding my hand.

"By the look of your face Kakashi, you heard me loud and clear" I said coldly.

He sat there staring for what seemed like eternity, as I sat awaiting some form of reassurance that everything would be okay from him.

"I'm sorry Sakura" He said looking down.

"_Oh I fucking knew it. The bastards going to sodding leave me to raise his own son or daughter. Bloody wonderful. Well played me!!" _I starting shouting inside my head.

"Sakura you look angry, I meant I'm sorry for going quiet" He said lifting up my chin. "I'm just shocked that's all, it's a bit of a surprise" He said smiling. "It shouldn't be a shock really should it.

Neither of us took any form of action for preventing this" He said softly.

He took my hand and kissed me on the lips. "Sakura, it's maybe not the best situation for either of us right now. But If your worried I am going to walk off and leave you with _our _child, then you are going to have to think again." He said softly pulling me into a hug.

"I never thought I would ever be a father Sakura and this may be a challenge for me, but I really wouldn't want a child with anyone else." He whispered in my ear, as a tear began to fall from my face. "I love you Sakura, I always have and after all this time, I think I always will" He quietly said as I moved away from the hug to look at him.

His face was beaming, and he was smiling so much that the tiny little dimples on each side of cheek were prominent than normal. He looked like heaven and it was a look of pure joy, which in turn made me smile.

"Kakashi, this isn't what I wanted yet, you understand that right? It's not that I don't love you, I've stopped loving you. But this really isn't what I wanted right now" I said, still trying to remain positive, all though I felt like crying.

"I understand Sakura, that's why we were taking things slowly, I will accept whatever decision you make though Sakura." He softly tried to reassure me.

"I'm not going to have an abortion Kakashi, I have thought about it and I just couldn't do it." I paused. " I just don't know what to do, I've been around children much, we will have to sort out living arrangement, money's going to be an issue as the baby things aren't cheap, then we have to face Tsunade as well as the rest of the village, and then we have to deal with this actual little child that's our responsibility..."

"Sakura Stop" Kakashi interrupted. "These are all things we can arrange, simple things. Money is not an issue for me Sakura, I have enough money to never have to work again, so buying a cot, push chair, toys and a bottles are really not a problem for me. As for living arrangement's, we have 3 options. One we live at our apartments separately like now and just continue to see each other everyday and stay when we feel like. Two, we could move in with each other as in you move into my apartment or I move in here. Or three the completely different option, but it means we are serious about being together. We buy a new house together ." He paused awaiting my answer I believe. But after a moment he continued, "as for you not knowing much about babies, neither do I. We can learn Sakura, they don't come with manuals so you just have to take one day at a time. And I am sure that once you have got used to the idea of a baby and then when the baby is born, you will stop worrying. As for the village, forget them, if they want to talk let them, but as for Tsunade I don't know what the hell she is going to say" He finished.

I looked at him throughout his whole speech to reassure me that we could cope, and he was glowing, it was like he was the one that was pregnant, he seemed so happy to talk about _our_ child. I laughed at this and he noticed.

"What's funny?" he asked.

"You" I smiled. "Just now, when you were telling me about buying things for the baby and living arrangement's. You seem so happy Kakashi." I finished.

"I am Sakura, I'm back spending time with the woman I love and she just so happens to be carrying my child" he beamed, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"I am going to have to go to Tsunade soon you know and tell her I think I might be pregnant, as I need it confirmed and a scan" I said softly, putting my head back onto Kakashi's chest, the area just below his collar bone leading down towards his pecks, that seemed to be my spot.

"Well just go and speak to her, see how she reacts to you being pregnant first, then judge if it's going to be safe to tell her about me" Kakashi said resting his head on my own.

"I am supposed to be meeting her tomorrow, to find out where I will be working next week, but I kind of want to get it out of the way before I can start thinking to much about it and then end up putting off not going and never knowing when the baby would be due" I spurted out without taking a breath.

Kakashi laughed "well if you want to go now, I will happily come with you. Especially if you have a scan, I want to be there"

"You wont see anything now Kakashi, its the size of a seed or something stupid" I laughed.

"That maybe true, but it's our little seed and I want to see it" he smiled putting his arms around.

"Okay well I am going to get dressed and we can go. But Kakashi, I want to speak to Tsunade first before you come in or anything. Is that okay?" I asked making my way towards my bedroom.

"Sakura that's fine as long as I get to see the seed I don't mind" Kakashi laughed.

We left my apartment thirty minutes later and made our way towards the Hokage tower. We held hands when there wasn't many people about and then just walked close when we got to the busier parts of Konoha. And out of everything, I loved this the most. Being out together, like an ordinary couple.

As we got closer to the Hokage's tower, it dawned on me, we were going to be able to see our child, a new little life, a new little life made with the man I couldn't help to seem to fall in love with over and over again one single day.


	8. Chapter 8: A tiny little seed that beats

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, all right to Masashi Kishimoto.

Chapter 8

A tiny little seed beats

We reached the Hokage tower and got a few stares from those coming and going throughout the building. Kakashi decided to wait downstairs as he spotted Genma.

I made my way up to Tsunade's office when I was walking down the corridor I spotted Shizune, who had already seen me coming.

"Sakura, your meeting isn't until tomorrow with Tsunade" Shizune asked looking slightly confused.

"I know Shizune, I wanted to speak with Tsunade-Sama today if she was free at all" I asked.

"She has a break from meetings right now, let me speak with her and see what she says" Shizune said smiling. "May I ask why you need to speak with Tsunade-Sama? She may want to know the reasons why as she is busy" Shizune quizzed me.

"It's private Shizune, I just wish to discuss it with her" I said softly, trying not to give anything away.

Shizune nodded and made her way through the double doors of the Hokage's office.

About 3-4 minutes later Shizune came back out.

"You may go in Sakura" Shizune softly said opening the door open for me and to my annoyance she followed me in.

Tsunade I noticed was as normal sitting behind her desk with a large amount of paper work in front of her, but thankfully for Kakashi's good, I didn't smell a strong smell of sake in the room, which I only hope meant that she hadn't had a drink yet today.

She looked up and noticed I had stood further away from her desk.

"Sakura, come closer and sit" Tsunade said "So what brings you here on your day off Sakura? I am not giving you another two to three year mission in Grass, I need you here" she trailed off.

"No Tsunade I don't want another mission to Grass" I began "I...erm..." I stuttered looking at Shizune, feeling uncomfortable talking about it in front of others.

"Spit it out child. I haven't got all day Sakura" Tsunade shouted.

"_Just come out with it, the longer you think the more she's going to get angry...DO IT" _My inner self raged at me.

"Erm Tsunade-Sama I erm..." I paused and just hoped for the best as soon as the words left my mouth. "I think I'm pregnant" I said softly looking directly at the Hokage, hoping to judge her reaction.

As soon as I said pregnant, her face looked rather...smug, SMUG that's not the look I thought would be written across her face.

"I guessed as much Sakura as soon as you walked through the door, you hormones are all over the place" Tsunade said smiling

"_She's smiling...I think now is our chance to run...just goooooooooooo"_I began to scream at myself.

"Sakura, by what I can see and sense yes you are pregnant. I will however take you down to the clinic. I will give you a scan and we can determine how many weeks you are" she said with her hand on top of the desk, still smiling.

"_Some thing's not right, she still smiling, It's unnerving me now. This isn't Tsunade" _I began telling myself until Tsunade cut me off from own thoughts.

"Sakura" Tsunade said sternly. "I am disappointed in you. You know what the bloody hell contraception is, so why may I ask did you not consider to use it?" she asked.

I looked down and could feel already feel my face began to shine a nice crimson colour as normal.

"Right okay if you wont answer that, then will you please answer me this?" she said constantly looking at me, never taking her eyes away from the direction I was sitting.

"Are you in a relationship with the father?" she asked continuing to stare.

"_Damn it, I knew she was going to start asking about Kakashi! DAMN IT" _I screamed in my head again!

"Yes Tsunade-Sama we are together" I said softly, now looking at the ground.

"Right then, does the father know?" Tsunade said leaning further across her table than before.

"Yes Tsunade-Sama, I told him today when I suspected I was" I finished.

"And I would hope the father has not run off and is man enough to take on the responsibility of a child?" She asked.

"No Tsunade-Sama, he had not ran off and yes I do believe he is ready for the responsibility" I quietly said continuing to look down and not wanting to meet Tsunade's brown eyes.

"Are you ready for the responsibility Sakura?" Tsunade asked again.

I was not expecting this question, I expected her to go on about the father until she got it out of me who it was.

"I believe so Tsunade-Sama. I understand it's going to be difficult, but I have got myself into this, I intend to see it through Tsunade-Sama even if it means sacrificing other things in my life" I finished.

"Was this child planned Sakura? I don't think it was but I have to ask" Tsunade said, her face now looking a lot more straight and no smiles in sight.

"No Tsunade-Sama, it wasn't" I finished, kind of feeling ashamed of myself, and Shizune staring at me wasn't really making me feel better.

"So will you and Kakashi be buying a new house or just living at your apartment Sakura?" Tsunade asked.

"We will..." I stopped realising what she has just said. I sat there confused.

"_OMG does every one know about us? Is there much point hiding when everyone seems to bloody know already!!!!!" _I shouted to myself.

"I am not blind Sakura and neither are few of my ANBU. I have seen you and Kakashi around Konoha, yes you might not be holding hands or kissing in public. But I can see the way you have been looking at each other. As I said I am not blind." she smiled to herself. "My ANBU happened to be on there way back from a mission late on the night and happened to have spotted you and Mr. Hatake in a part of the clearing in the forest." she finished smiling.

I sat there with my mouth wide open, if a fly had been in the room it would have caught it no problem.

"Now I will ask you again Sakura, will you and Kakashi be buying a new house or will you continue to live at your apartment"

I was a bit confused why Tsunade was interested in our living arrangements.

"We haven't fully discussed it Tsunade. I only told him this morning, and I wanted to come straight here to make sure" I said quietly.

"Right well" Tsunade banged her fist against the table, I jumped and Shizune softly squealed next to the Hokage. "Mr. Hatake, will you care to come in as I am sure your ear is aching from trying to listen through the door" she laughed.

"_Damn it, he couldn't have waited where I told him too, stupid idiot."_

Kakashi walked in, his right arm behind his head. I could see his nervous laugh a mile away!

"Tsunade-Sama, Shizune" Kakashi said bowing.

"Hatake" Tsunade's voice was getting more raised the longer we staying in the room it seemed.

"I want to hear what you have to say about becoming a father?"

Kakashi looked shocked, I think he was confused at the question, but proceeded to answer it.

"Tsunade-Sama, I am very pleased about becoming a father. In all honesty, I am nervous as well."

"Why would you be nervous Kakashi? The fact that you have got your ex younger student pregnant? Or maybe the fact that you have been hiding your relationship for what 4 and half years now? Or maybe the fact that Kakashi, you really aren't ready for child?" Tsunade spat out.

"I was going to say I was nervous as I haven't been around babies before Tsunade-Sama" Kakashi gulped as he finished his sentence.

"Right well that's a good answer Hatake, but this still does not change the fact that you are 14 years older than Sakura and the fact that she was your student Hatake." Tsunade said staring completely at Kakashi. "I can only encourage shinobi's to have families and actually have relationships, we aren't here long, and you both know that" Tsunade said now looking back and forth from Kakashi and myself. "Kakashi, I am worried" she said now getting up and sitting on the end of her desk. "I'm worried for Sakura Kakashi, I don't want you running off when your child is born. I don't want to hear any bull shit about your father and loosing people you love." She said softly, looking at Kakashi. "I understand you have lost people you love Kakashi, we all have." Tsunade paused looking sad at her own comment. "But I can not have you leave Sakura. You have a chance to have a family Kakashi, and I will personally kill you myself Hatake if I _ever _hear you say you can't do it, you're not ready, you're only going to hurt Sakura.." Tsunade looked at me briefly and smiled. "Kakashi, if you're not ready for this that being a baby or even committing to Sakura. I want to hear it now, before this goes any further. I can not risk the safety of the village just because you two aren't really sure about your own lives. " Tsunade finished.

"Tsunade-Sama, I was not ready for this 4 years ago, me and Sakura were together 4 years ago, which you already seemed to know this, as everyone seems to know" He whispered the last part of the sentence. " I couldn't give Sakura everything she needed 4 years ago and that is why I left. I was an idiot Tsunade-Sama. I have learned from that mistake and only realised more over the years Sakura was away, that I don't want to be with anyone else, It would seem like the worst form of torture now if I wasn't with Sakura" Kakashi finished, I could see that just below his one visible eye that the top of his cheeks that Kakashi was blushing.

Tsunade was smiling as she sat on her desk. "I am pleased to hear this Hatake, and yes I did know you were together 4 years ago and was more than disappointed when I seen you both mopping around the village." Tsunade smiled as she looked deep in thought.

"I only ask one thing from you both, and I will accept your relationship, even though I don't really want to." Tsunade laughed. "I ask that you both be open, honest and appreciate each other. As I said earlier, we aren't here long, so make the most of who you have in your life, understood?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes Tsunade-Sama" Kakashi and I said in unison.

"Right, well I guess you want to see your baby then" Tsunade said smiling. "Kakashi, Shizune will take you down to the waiting room. I need to speak to Sakura for a second about what we are going to do about work and I need her drink as much water as possible and I don't want you making her laugh that she ends up going to the toilet" Tsunade laughed as I blushed.

"Okay, Ill see you in a second" Kakashi said looking at me. He closed the door behind him and left me and Tsunade in the room on our own.

Before I knew it the large breasted women had thrown herself on me and was forcing me into a death deifying hug.

I did actually think my eyes were going to pop out of there sockets. And I think after a few seconds Tsunade realised this.

"Oh sorry Sakura, I'm squashing you there a bit" she pulled away and brushed the front of her clothes down.

I smiled at Tsunade and she smiled back at me.

"I am so thankful you two have decided to get back together Sakura, I really can't tell you how happy I am for you both." She put her arm around my shoulder and continued,"Sakura, one thing I'll tell you about Hatake men, be truthful with them and they will never lie to you, apart from Kakashi lying about why he's late all the time" she laughed. "He is very much like his father Sakura, he's quiet and shy like Sakumo in public, in private they open up to you in time, but he's a good man. And like Sakumo, now he's opening up I think I can quite happily say that you will have changed the Hatake Kakashi we all know. As well as the fact that every women in Konoha will be jealous of you" Tsunade laughed.

"Thank you Tsunade-Sama, I really appreciate this." I said smiling.

"No need to thank me Sakura, I am just happy that you both of you have come to your senses." she laughed moving towards the door. "Shall we go and get this scan done then?" She asked.

"Yes of course, Erm Tsunade-Sama you mention about discussing work?" I asked.

"We will talk about it on the way and we need to get a good litre of water in you first, so we have time to discuss it" Tsunade laughed closing the door behind her as we made our way towards the maternity clinic Tsunade told me that I would start work next week in the Maternity clinic and I will be running my own Anti Natal Classes on an afternoon. I think I am getting more than I bargained for when it comes to babies. I suppose at least I wont have to attend my own anti natal classes.

I drank what seemed like twenty buckets of water and Kakashi had come through to one of the check up rooms.

I hoped upon to the bed and felt like I wanted to wet myself, it was horrid.

"Sakura, lift your top up for me then" Tsunade said turning on the scanner and getting the gel ready in her hands.

I pulled up my top to expose my stomach, Kakashi held my hand. I looked up at him and his eyes were glued to the scanner.

"Kakashi, you do know its not going to look at you and it's not going to wave at you, you know" I laughed. He looked at me and he looked a bit disappointed at my statement. And then began to laugh, and then I carried on laughing.

We both soon stopped laughing when we heard a very faint but visible "Bur dum Bur dum" noise over and over again. Kakashi looked in shock and was squinting his eyes at the machine.

"Well congratulations you are defiantly pregnant..."Tsunade stopped half way through and looked at the monitor very closely.

"Tsunade-Sama what's wrong?" I asked getting very worried.

She didn't answer me and instead turned the volume up on the scanner so the baby's heart beat could be heard a lot more clearly.

I sat listening and then it hit me. "Oh my god, can you hear that?" I said directing my statement more at Tsunade.

"What?" Kakashi said looking extremely confused. "What's going on?" I held his hand tighter and smiled at him.

"I think, now don't hold on me this until I've done some blood tests and another scan in around a month" Tsunade said still staring at the monitor and moving probe more to my lower abdomen. Tsunade continued "I think you're going to be the proud parents of twins."

Kakashi stood there looking at the monitor and I waited for him to say something.

"Twins?" He asked in shock. "As in two babies at once" He carried on.

I had to laugh I didn't know if he was now going to run away or if he was that excited he didn't know what to do with himself.

"Kakashi, yes twins. Two babies in the same pregnancy, which means two cots and we need a bigger house" I laughed.

I think he ignored me as he carried on looking at the screen. Tsunade decided to point out the little blob on the screen was one of our babies and if she moved the probe a little, you could kind of see another tiny blob to the side, but I couldn't say I was definitely having twins as it was so hard to tell.

Tsunade done my blood tests and Kakashi still continued to stare at the screen where Tsunade had left the picture of our baby or babies up.

"Erm Kakashi, would you like me to print a picture off for you to take home?" Tsunade asked looking at me and smiling.

"Erm, please" was all that came out of Kakashi's mouth.

It had to be the most adorable sight I had ever seen in my entire life, him just standing there transfixed on the image of our child.

I finally got Kakashi to follow me home and actually managed to get him to hold my hand, but he was still in some form of a daze. We got half way back to my apartment and he still had the picture Tsunade gave him in his hand and was transfixed by it. I actually began to worry as Kakashi made no sign of talking or actually doing anything.

He didn't even notice the gasps from people walking through the town seeing us together holding hands.

I'd had enough when were about 10 minutes walk from my apartment. I stopped walking and it took Kakashi a few seconds to process that his hand was still holding mine and I had stopped.

He turned back and walked the few steps to be back by my side.

"Kakashi, what's going on? You haven't said anything and your walking around like a two year old clinging on to his favourite teddy bear" I said gesturing towards the picture he was holding.

He looked at me and I could tell he was smiling underneath his mask.

"I'm sorry" He said softly still clutching the photo. "I just can't seem to process that this teeny tiny little thing is ours" he said smiling. "Well teeny tiny little things" putting more emphasis on the S. "It's such a strange feeling that this tiny thing is a part of both of us, it's so strange"

I looked at him in shock to be honest, this was definitely a changed man. He wasn't the arse hole I knew 4 years ago.

I walked towards him and gave him a hug, he put his arm around me and it was like time stood still. Everything seemed so perfect, I hate that word perfect because things are never always perfect in my life, but he was, everything tiny little detail about Kakashi from his looks to his new found emotion was just perfection.

Everyone walking past was staring at us and we could faintly hear some people saying things, but for the first time in my life, I didn't care what people thought. I was happy and that was all I needed.

* * *

Right well I do apologise if there are any spelling and grammar mistakes.

I hope you liked it, got very bored at Uni today and decided to spend my time doing this rather than my Assignments :/ Wonder if I could get a degree in writing Naruto Fan fics? hehe!

Anyway, please review as always and thank you to EVERYONE that has reviewed, added as a favorite and all that Jazz, Thank you xXx


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